I hear the message..."you are so strong"...but I definitely don't feel that way.
I would like to wake up tomorrow and have this all be over. Pump done. PT done. Dose adjusted. Back to work and feeling productive. Back to life. Back to society. Back to feeling like a person.
I look at my sweet little girl. She sees me as her Mom. I do the darnedest, silliest thing and she thinks it's hysterical. Shouldn't that be enough? I caught her just now. She got a hold of my colored chap stick and applied it all over her face. She has a nice glow about her after wiping it off.
I know a lot of what's eating at me right now is the feeling of futility and self-doubt. I do believe that God has something wonderful in store for me. Shouldn't THAT be enough?
hang in there! I know how you feel. I'm not sure it's good advice or not, but sometimes, when "it" is just too much...and the energy it takes to manage "it' is all used up...I just lay down and call it a day. I call it quiting for a day. Blankie-check, cats piled in place-check, brain gelatinizing re-runs on cable-check. I always feel better the next day, like I've re-booted or something. Not necessarily great, but at least ready to get up and give it a go again. Be gentle with yourself, you're allowed to get frustrated, you're plate is a little full!
ReplyDeletehugs for you
Karen
I would have loved to see that "glow"!
ReplyDeleteThe simple facts: you ARE an amazing, strong person. Even so, you have a right to feel what you feel and it is amazing that you juggle everything this disease has given you. Please know that many are concerned for you and praying for you. I am praying for you.